FOMO Is Wrecking Your Relationships More Than You Think

You’re on the sofa with your partner, half-watching a show, half-scrolling.They’re talking about their day.You nod, but your thumb keeps moving.

New party pics.A friend’s engagement announcement.Someone on a beach.

Without even noticing, your attention quietly walks out of the room.

That, in a nutshell, is how FOMO slips into our relationships.

What is FOMO, really?

FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) isn’t just “I wish I were there.”Psychologically, it’s a blend of:

• Social comparison – “Everyone else is doing more / having more fun / moving ahead faster than me.”

• Anxiety – “If I’m not there, I’ll be left behind or forgotten.”

• Scarcity mindset – “Opportunities are limited; if I miss this, that’s it.”

FOMO is fueled by hyper-connected lives:

• Constant notifications

• Stories that show the best 1% of everyone’s day

• Dating apps with “endless” options

• Career and lifestyle bragging online

Our brains are not neutral about this. They lean toward threat. Missing out can feel like danger: social exclusion, rejection, not being “enough.”

And when we’re in that state, it doesn’t just affect us—it affects the people we love.

How FOMO Shows Up in Relationships

1. The “one foot in, one foot out” problem

FOMO can keep you from fully committing, because part of you is always thinking:

• “What if there’s someone better?”

• “What if I settle and regret it later?”

• “What if I miss out on freedom, adventures, experiences?”

This can look like:

• Staying in “situationships” rather than defining the relationship

• Keeping dating apps “just in case”

• Flirting with other people to keep options open

• Avoiding deeper emotional intimacy because it feels like locking a door

To your partner, this often feels like emotional unavailability: they’re investing fully, while you’re half-investing and half-scanning the horizon.

Underneath it all is a specific fear:

“If I choose you fully, I’m losing something else I might want.”

The tragedy?By never fully choosing, you also never fully experience what a committed relationship can actually give.

2. Comparison: Your relationship vs. “everyone else’s”

Social media doesn’t show fights about dishes or quiet evenings doing nothing. It shows:

• Surprise trips

• Candlelit dinners

• Photo-perfect proposals

• Hyper-romantic captions

FOMO tells you:

• “Other couples are happier.”

• “They travel more, laugh more, have more sex.”

• “Our relationship is boring / failing / not special.”

This comparison can lead to:

• Pressure on your partner to be more exciting or “perfect”

• Chronic dissatisfaction, even when things are actually okay

• Picking fights or withdrawing because you feel like your relationship is “not enough”

Over time, FOMO can make you undervalue what you have because you’re focused on what you think you’re missing.

3. Craving constant stimulation instead of real connection

FOMO trains your brain to crave novelty:

• New people

• New plans

• New notifications

Plain, calm presence can feel… flat.

In relationships, that can look like:

• Checking your phone during dates or conversations

• Saying yes to every event instead of spending quiet time together

• Never being fully present where you are, because you’re wondering where else you could be

To your partner, it can feel like:

“I’m here with you, but you’re not really here with me.”

Chronic partial attention slowly erodes intimacy. It’s hard to feel deeply seen or valued when your partner’s attention keeps “buffering.”

4. FOMO around life stages: marriage, kids, career

FOMO isn’t just about parties and trips—it also shows up around big life decisions:

• “If I move in with you, am I missing out on living abroad?”

• “If we have kids, am I missing out on career success?”

• “If I focus on my career now, am I missing the window for a family?”

This can create:

• Indecision and constant second-guessing

• Tension if you and your partner are on different timelines

• Resentment (“I gave up X for this relationship”)

Instead of exploring these questions together, FOMO turns them into private worries or silent scorekeeping.

What’s going on underneath FOMO?

It’s easy to treat FOMO like a quirky, modern habit. Psychologically, though, it often sits on top of deeper themes:

• Fear of regret – “I’ll look back and realize I made the wrong choices.”

• Fear of rejection or abandonment – “If I don’t keep options open, I’ll have nothing if this fails.”

• Low self-worth – “I need constant proof I’m desirable/interesting/valued.”

• Difficulty tolerating ordinary – “If life isn’t constantly intense or special, something is wrong.”

When these fears go unnamed, we cope by:

• Keeping options open

• Overbooking our time

• Staying online constantly

• Avoiding commitment or vulnerability

The problem is that these strategies protect us from imagined losses while creating very real ones in our relationships.

How to Recognise FOMO in Yourself

Some questions to gently check in with:

• Do I often feel anxious or left out when I see others’ posts, even if my day is fine?

• Do I struggle to be fully present with my partner because I’m thinking of what else I could be doing?

• Do I keep people “on the back burner” (exes, flings, matches) just in case?

• When I think about committing more deeply, what specifically am I afraid of missing out on?

• Do I frequently compare my relationship to others and then feel dissatisfied?

If several of these land, FOMO is probably playing a bigger role than you realised.

How to Protect Your Relationship from FOMO

You don’t need to delete all your apps and move to a cabin (though tempting). Small, consistent shifts can make a big difference.

1. Name it out loud

FOMO thrives in vagueness.Try saying (to yourself first, then maybe to your partner):

• “I notice I’m worried I’m missing out on other possibilities.”

• “Seeing other couples online makes me doubt us sometimes.”

• “I feel pulled to keep my options open because I’m scared of regret.”

Naming the fear doesn’t make it stronger; it gives you a chance to work with it instead of being driven by it.

2. Create “no FOMO zones”

Decide specific times or spaces that are protected from comparison and distraction:

• Phones away during meals or date nights

• No scrolling in bed

• One evening a week that’s just for you two, no other plans

This isn’t about rules for the sake of rules—it’s about making it possible to actually feel each other.

3. Practice “JOMO”: the Joy of Missing Out

JOMO is the flip side of FOMO: choosing to miss out—and feeling good about it.

You can practice by asking:

• “What do I gain by saying no to this event?” (Rest, depth, connection, peace)

• “What could be special about staying in tonight?”

• “What tiny rituals could we create that make our ‘ordinary’ time feel meaningful?”

Over time, your nervous system learns: “Missing out on some things doesn’t mean I’m falling behind. It can mean I’m building something deeper.”

4. Shift from “options” to “values”

Options are endless. Values are not.

Instead of asking:

• “Is this the best I could get?”

Ask:

• “Is this aligned with the kind of person I want to be and the kind of relationship I want to build?”

Examples of values:

• Loyalty

• Honesty

• Playfulness

• Growth

• Stability

• Adventure

When you choose based on values, you may still miss out on some experiences—but you’re not lost. You’re building a life that actually fits you.

5. Be honest about digital flirting and “back burners”

If you’re:

• Keeping up flirty chats with people you’d date if you were single

• Keeping dating apps “just to look”

• Checking in on exes to see if you still “could have them”

…that’s FOMO trying to keep you safe by never letting any door fully close.

It can help to ask:

• “What am I getting from this contact that I’m not asking for in my relationship?”

• “What am I afraid would happen if I deleted this app or stopped this chat?”

If it feels scary to let go of those “just in case” connections, that’s a sign they’re emotionally significant enough to be harming your relationship.

6. Consider talking to a therapist

If FOMO feels intense, constant, or closely tied to anxiety, low mood, or past relationship trauma, it might be useful to explore it in therapy.

A therapist can help you:

• Understand where your FOMO is coming from

• Work with fears of regret, rejection, or “not being enough”

• Build tolerance for ordinary, quiet, committed moments

• Learn how to communicate these fears to your partner without blaming them

A reframe: the freedom of choosing

FOMO whispers:

“If you commit, you’re losing freedom.”

Psychologically, though, another truth often emerges:

• Real freedom isn’t having infinite options.

• Real freedom is being able to choose and feel grounded in that choice.

When you let yourself fully show up for one relationship:

• You stop constantly evaluating and comparing.

• You can build trust, shared history, and depth.

• You may still sometimes wonder “what if?”—that’s human—but it no longer runs the show.

You will always be missing out on something; that’s the nature of being one human in one life.

The question is:Are you missing out on endless hypothetical possibilities…or the very real, imperfect, living relationship right in front of you?